It's easy for people to disregard my existence, but it's hard for people to forgive themselves when I slash my wrists and bleed on their minds. No one cares until I'm not here to care about, so why bother with me?
I like to follow them, watch, learn about them, play with their self-conscious. Explode in their concentration and erode their emotions. Kill religion, burn the believers, coz I just don't give a fuck.
I'm insane, I can't feel anything, I see things but when I go to touch them they've gone. They disappear, dissolve into the mist. I hear them, I hear everyone when there is no one there. I heard myself laugh as the tears roll down my cheeks. I feel like I'm falling when I stand, I feel stiff when stiff when I fall.
I love to talk, but it never makes sense. Words come out all fucked up - pain, life; love, lost; hate, religion; kill, everything. No one hears me because I'm not talking to them, I'm talking to Satan. Satan hates me too, like everyone else, but never judges me. He controls my everything; my thoughts, pain, addiction.
It is always my fault, because I'm the only one in my world. There's no atmosphere, no surroundings, just me. Satan killed me, invaded my thoughts. He opened a trap door in the back of my mind, fell into a sleep, dark black void. As he climbs out he brings out the black, the charcoal pain, dripping crimson.
The crimson drops melt into my brain, flooding my head, it tries to escape. Through my nose, my eyes. Acid tears burn my eyeballs, Satan burns my throat.
Yesterday was full of surprises, the past always is - hypocritical shock and pain, hurt and discomfort. A twist in the endless fairy-tale of hate and darkness - why don't you just shoot me? Put a hole in my head with a blunt cordless drill. Take out my brain, drain away the blood. Throw it all away; leave the cavity that is already starting its existence in my head.
My mind is melting, thoughts ideas and emotions flooding out, flooding like the red fountain. The fountain won't stop, I start to feel faint. Satan shrieks with joy as the colour is stripped from my face.
Why am I abused? It's all uphill until you fall. I lie in a pool of my seeping veins. I taste my existence faintly and close my eyes. I close them and try to imagine the days when I lived in a real world full of real people, atmosphere and surroundings. I dream of times when I had emotions, before I began to hate.
I dream of what I wanted to be and all the things I wanted to say. Then I think of what went wrong, how much I hate IT, society, legal system ,The State. I think of reality - all the hate and people abusing me emotionally, physically, mentally. It's all pushed me too far over the edge. I think of how much I need relief from it all. How much I wish nothing existed, that I never existed, and my eyes would cease from opening for eternity. Shut forever, hiding from life, running to the fight.