I DID IT! I WENT TO MASS THIS MORNING!

What a good day today has turned out to be, all because I chose to go to Mass this morning. It has been quite a while since I've been - perhaps a month or more - but when I entered, I saw the usual older-people, myself being the only young person by far. One lady saw me and remembered me by name from the last time I went on a weekday! They introduced themselves to me last time I went, but being me, I don't remember their names!!! Ah well. Next time I'll try to hear their name when they're all talking amongst themselves I guess, or just ask them again. I mean, I have never been good with names, and the medication (and often the lack of!) make me quite forgetful, especially with names. Almost like in one ear, out the other... ALMOST!

During the sign of peace, Fr. Flanagan came over and shaked hands with a few of the elderly people, saying hi to me on his way back to the altar. That was nice.

After Mass I went for a short stroll. As I passed Trinity Uniting Church I saw a sign out the front - Free community lunch every 1st and 3rd Wednesday, 12-2. Well what do you know - that's today, the third Wednesday of the month! So I made a plan to go there. I need to get out of the house, stop locking myself away all day, ignoring the world, or running from it rather. Besides, still a few days until pay-day and I don't have much food left at all, so a good meal would do me well! We had meatloaf with vegies, fruit with cake and custard, and finished with a coffee and some different slices. It was nice, and the company, though older than myself, were very nice also. It wasn't packed, thankfully, as I was fearing that. I don't do well going to "new places" on my own when they're packed! LOL.

Prayer of St. Thomas Aquinas I thank you, holy Lord, almighty Father, eternal God, who deigned to feast me, sinful and unworthy servant, with the precious body and blood of your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord, not for any merit of mine, but only because of your merciful goodness. And I pray that this Holy Communion, far from condemning me to punishment, may bring about my pardon and salvation, encompassing me with the armor of faith and the shield of a good will. By it let my vices be done away, all lustful desires extinguished. May it advance me in charity, patience, humility, obedience, and every other virtue. Let it be strong defense against the wiles of all my enemies, visible and invisible, allaying for me every disturbance of flesh and spirit, binding me firmly to you, the one true God, and bringing my last hour to a happy close. I pray, too, that it may be your pleasure to call my sinful self one day to that banquet, wonderful past all telling, where you, with your Son and the Holy Spirit, feast your saints with the vision of yourself, who are true light, the fulfillment of all desires, the joy that knows no ending, gladness unalloyed, and perfect bliss: through the same Christ our Lord.Amen.

John Paul II always accepted pain, never asked for sedatives, reports papal physician :: Catholic News Agency (CNA)

John Paul II always accepted pain, never asked for sedatives, reports papal physician :: Catholic News Agency (CNA)

Reading this article, I recall a book I picked up at St. Patrick's Church, Albury, a few years ago, about "pain, suffering" and "why". It certainly opened my eyes back then, but I soon forgot all about it, preferring the easy way out with drugs. Understand that the heavy-pain-killers of the opiod-variety don't actually get rid of pain, unlike analgesics (eg; Paracetamol / Ibuprofen). Simply put, they just make you "not give a shit". The pain is still there, you feel it somewhat, but the way the opiods react with your body, it hits the brain as opposed to the area of pain. Then, you are just in a nice, relaxed stupor, not caring about the pain - but on the same token, often not caring about anyone or anything else other than your next dose of pills.

Those who are unaware, I was in a pretty serious car accident in the Melbourne CBD back in 2005. I am still on opiods (OxyCodone, common brand names include "OxyContin"). Quite an evil drug really as I have grown an addiction to it, now the doctors feel it is time to slowly ween off them, but I find it hard as I am well and truly addicted - you have to be after taking them for five-years!

This is all part my fault, but also the fault of previous doctors I have had. Doctors who like to simply write scripts, ask you the same thing everytime - basically the ones who don't give a damn about you, they just give you what you want, as opposed to what you need. I now have doctors with a much more holistic approach, who actually care, who talk to me and want to know how things in my life are going. They know I suffer from severe-depression and PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder) so this counselling nature they use with me is much needed and greatly appreciated. Even the times I make a short consultation just to get a script, not having anything to talk about, they still talk to me and care about what I am doing. They don't need to look up my file to know my name, what I do et-cetera - they remember. I am glad that God led me to these doctors!

However, I need the strength to kick this habit with the medication - I am the best I will ever get after the number of years and different procedures I have had on my spine to stop the pain. I'm not going to get any less pain than I have, and in all seriousness, I have somewhat adapted to this pain, like it is something I always had.

After reading the above mentioned article, it got me thinking back to that little book - do I still have it? I wish I were more like the late, Great Pope John-Paul II. Being shot, suffering a number of illnesses, yet still, in the face of all that pain, which over time only deteriorated his body, thus giving him more pain, he still never asked for painkillers or sedatives. I on the other hand am still young - I have the ability to "bounce back" better than a well-travelled old Pope, but still I take these drugs!

One thing I have always remembered from that book, however, is that suffering and pain is a normal part of life, and when we experience it ourselves, it brings us closer to Jesus. He was whipped, humiliated, dragged through the streets with His cross in-tow, eventually nailed to it with a crown of thorns atop His head, then stabbed in the side with a spear. THAT is pain. THAT is suffering... and for what? Was He a criminal? No - He did it for us - He could have stopped it, but He did what His will was on earth, which certainly wasn't to join in league with Satan.

I find that nice in a way - I suffer, I'm in pain, but ultimately, it should bring me closer to Jesus.

GET A LIFE... AND JOB.

I am slowly but surely losing it. My brain. Perhaps it is the company that I keep? Not exactly who I call "friends" but just junkie acquaintances who drag me down. Yesterday I made a pretty hard decision to dob someone else in for a crime. I'm now a witness and expected to go to court for it. Pretty shitty since this type of person only thinks about the end result - getting off his chops - as opposed to the people who suffer because he breaks into their homes. How did this all come about? Well I was walking with him yesterday, with a couple of socket-sets that he said were a gift from his grandparents. Anyways, the cops drove past, and because it was this wanker, they did a block and came back to talk to us, see what was in our bags etc;. I said they were mine as I figured they would just pick on him for not carrying a receipt with him - who does - but that didn't turn out well for me. Once back at the police station, I told them the whole story. Told them they weren't mine etc; and they bought the story... they did see him carrying the bag, knows him, not to mention I don't have pretty shit like that on my record. They asked if I was willing to give a statement, telling me how it could be bad for me etc;. But screw it - I did it.

My house has been ripped off twice within six-months and it's not a nice feeling. ESPECIALLY when you don't exactly have a disposable income. So I get money and buy worthwhile things with it - that's my prerogative. Just because some junky who has no interest in doing anything with their lives (other than drugs) they see fit to break into someones house so they can sell things to get off-chops. How is that fair? So screw the bastard - he's going down. I mean he is on parole, the senior-constable who took my statement told me that he will get locked up for it. He also told me that the guy will eventually click who told on him and I could tell him what I wanted, or I could make up something like the sen-constable was threatening me etc;. He said he can handle that.

Anyways, my point is, sure I wouldn't go to gaol for it because I don't have priors. He will though. But why should I take the fall because he's not man enough to take it himself? If he isn't prepared to go back "inside" then he should think about it more before doing it. In all, he needs to take responsibility for his own actions, not letting me go down for it! Fuck that.

Someone else he was with was taken to the station a few hours before me. This guy wouldn't have said anything. It would make him a "dog". So while technically in "prison-speak" I might be a "dog", I really don't give a damn! I have a much better life than to have to stoop to petty theft, chasing a high constantly and being content with ending up with "prison life". These are bogan feral sad-baskets who have "crime" written all over them - their body, their family name, it is bred into them. I'm of a more upstanding part of community who believes in DOING SOMETHING WITH LIFE!!! Working... studying... something. At the very least, HONESTLY earning what we earn.

While I am not the perfect picture of a Catholic boy, I am not a bad person. Sure I have had my own run--ins with the law, but that was just things like "drunk and disorderly", also you need to look at it in the context. I was going through trauma - still and constantly am - that alcohol became a "way out" for me, sometimes ending me in a little trouble. Still, it's not like I have ever assaulted anyone, robbed them or any other heinous crime.

I need strength at the moment. Since yesterday, everytime someone knocks on my door, I won't answer it for fear it may be this wanker coming to have a go at me. When, if, that happens, a simply phone call to the police will do the trick. Part of his bail conditions - IF he happened to get bail (he won't though) will be to keep away from me. Plus the police have offered me protection - just a call to the local command or triple-zero will do the trick. Still, it is not nice when you live in fear of people so much so that you won't answer the door. For all I know it is someone else. The police even (thought if it were them they generally announce who it is as they knock).

I haven't been to church very much this Easter Season or this year altogether. I have lapsed with my Bible reading plan. I haven't prayed in God-know's how long. Yet I still wonder at times why my life is getting so shitty at the moment. Why I think so much of all my problems and traumas. Why? Well that's a no-brainer - maybe I need to do some of these things. Perhaps going to mass tomorrow morning is a good start. 

Sunday Snippets: A Catholic Carnival #5

Sunday Snippets for the week of Sunday February 28 to Sunday March 7.

What is Sunday Snippets? Read this!

Well I have been out of action for sometime but I am back now! Only one entry for this edition however. I've been away on holidays, but prior to that, someone smashed my window and stole two laptops, my iPod, two phones - all up about $8,000 worth of gear!!! I have a new laptop now, a MacBook Air, so I can blog once again - yay!!!

This week I have an entry about the churches I visited in Sydney - St. Mary's Cathedral - the Mother Church of Catholicism in Australia which overlooks the nice, grassy, tree-filled Hyde Park. The other church was St. Peter-Julian's, which is a newly renovated church in George Street. It was beautiful!!! Photos are included of it, and of a statue of Pope John-Paul II the Great, out the front of the Cathedral.

Sydney Churches

When I was in Sydney, I visited this really awesome church on George Street. I took some photos from my Blackberry - really modern church. I loved it! Read a bit of the info on their website.


Their's is the Blessed Sacrament Community, so I see this photo as fitting as the Blessed Sacrament is upon the altar. Those who don't know, in Catholicism we believe in a little thing called "transubstantiation" which means that after the priest has blessed the bread, it actually becomes the flesh of Jesus, the wine becomes the Blood of Christ. 

I also went to St. Mary's Cathedral, with the help of my Blackberry and Google Maps - easy as! Kyle didn't mind either, he found it interesting. I snapped a few of a statue of Pope John-Paul II, but couldn't take any inside the Cathedral. Strange I thought as we could take photos there during World Youth Day in 2008. Perhaps they made an exception during that week? Most likely.

I also bought a book at the Cathedral, about the Cathedral. Since I couldn't take any photos, I figure I would buy this instead. It has photos even of the crypt where five Archbishops are buried, beneath the Cathedral, also photos of old, historic stained-glass-windows. One of them I liked particularly, which shows the history of Catholicism in Australia, where a convict-priest is celebrating an "illegal mass" in a home. It was illegal of course because Catholic's weren't much liked back then, the Church of England was the ruling force in the English country's.

There's this one last church I snapped just before we were going into Central Station to catch the train to Casino. It just sticks out of nowhere and looks strange. Gives you an idea of how Sydney started I guess. Back in the old times, no building could be taller than the church - imagine if that were still the case! Cities would have expanded out instead of up!