Church below the rooftops: Living in the moment

From “Church below the rooftops” in the Sacred Heart North Albury Parish bulletin, Thirteenth Sunday, Year C, 27^th June 2010.

I had ridden my bike to Cooktown on my annual holiday and was returning via the Atherton Tablelands. I turned up at a presbytery in the hope of a bed for the night. The parish priest accepted me warmly as a fellow priest despite my unshaven, unwashed appearance. After showing me to my room he asked if I was in a hurry to move on, and if not, could I help him out with the weekend Masses as he was in need of a break. Knowing the feeling and the need, I readily agreed, and for the rest of the week I explored the beautiful Tablelands, returning to the presbytery each afternoon.

After settling into my room on the day I arrived, I went down to the church for the afternoon Mass, still in my unkempt state. It was not long before a “little old lady” came to sit beside me. She welcomed me to town, said I looked tired, and asked if I had a bed for the night and food. I assured her that was taken care of. She advised me of the St. Vincent de Paul store in case I needed clean clothes, and if I needed a food voucher. I thanked her and said all was fine.

Next morning, I went to Mass before heading off on my days exploration. My “LOL” sat with me again. This time she got down to business. She produced a picture card of Jesus and told me that Jesus loved me, died for me and was ready to forgive my sins. I listened attentively and said I would remember what she said. The next morning she pressed a rosary into my hand, whispering that if I kept it in my pocket our Blessed Mother would look after me.

Next morning I was waiting for her. She did not fail me! Was I doing anything that day? (I did have the day planned). Well, the St. Vincent de Paul store was short of helpers and so could I go and help sort some clothes and maybe find something nice for myself? So off I went to join the ladies and an elderly gentleman sorting shirts and coats and pants etc;. I also had a good morning tea!

The big test came with the weekend Masses. Father had driven off in a cloud of dust for a well deserved break and I was this time all dressed up in the finest linen for Mass. Of course, my little old lady turned up, and with one look at me practically fainted. She accosted me for not telling her I was a priest.

I could only say I had not the heart to spoil what was a most loving and welcoming experience for me, and that if I had not been a Catholic, I would have asked to join on the spot!

(Laurie)

Examination of Self

First Holy Communion and Confirmation: David, Fr. Joe Taylor, Catherine (sister). 19th November 2005.

I’ve been starting to do a new thing when I pray. Examining my inner self and life, thinking of all the things I am thankful for – talents, situational things, even small things such as having a good day – and thanking God for them. Many people wonder why God doesn’t “listen” to them and answer their prayers… what I like to call “seasonal prayers”, the type who only pray when they want something, be it selfish greed or someone’s health.

It is all quite logical when you think about it. Why would God answer your prayer of, say, helping you get a job, when you only talk to Him when you want or need something? Not praying simply to say, “thanks”. If someone in your life always asks you for something, never returning the favour or even thanking you for giving you the help you require, after time they will simply stop listening. Like I said, it is just logical.

Hence why I have started this new technique with my praying, of examining my life and jotting the things that I am thankful for in a notepad. Things such as my artistic talent with the pencil or the pen, even the small things in life that I am grateful for, such as having a good day rather than a bad or mediocre one.

Saturday night when I was sitting in church, before mass, I was deep in thought and another thing sprang to mind that I am thankful to God for. My parents. I honestly could not ask for better parents, they are very loving, caring and supportive, even when at times I don’t deserve it.

Many people would be estranged from their parents if they had treated them the way I’ve treated mine in the past, but mine are still there for me, still unconditional love. Sure there have been the occasions where they have had to be cruel to be kind, doing things that at the time angered me, but in the end I reflect on and realise they couldn’t do anything else.

I am particularly thankful for my parents having bought us up with a strong sense of faith. We went to mass of a Sunday every week, all six of us kids with my parents taking up a whole pew in Sacred Heart Church. As a child, sure, I didn’t enjoy it. I sometimes wished that my parents were more like other peoples parents where they would only go to mass on special occasions such as Christmas, Easter and other celebrations such as weddings. Why did I have to land parents who insisted on taking us to church basically every Sunday without fail? Though we went to Catholic primary and secondary schools, I always felt somewhat different to my peers because of the fact we went to mass each Sunday.

Now as I reflect on these things in my adult life, I couldn’t be more thankful for them doing this! Brining us up with a strong sense of faith. We would say grace before meals without fail – no one was to start eating until this was done – and come the special time of year, such as Christmas and Easter, we had the whole religious side of things involved also, not just the chocolate and presents.

Had my parents been like that of many of my peers, I would not be where I am right now. When I returned back to God, deeply wanting more, wanting to go to mass, I would have arrived and been dumb-struck, not knowing what to say in reply during the mass, even knowing prayers that I take for granted – Our Father, Hail Mary, Doxology amongst some.

I would have arrived to the church and felt extremely uncomfortable, not knowing what was going on, and thus feel alienated, perhaps not returning again time and time again.

However, because of this rich religious upbringing that I had, when I returned to the church, it all just came back to me naturally. Like riding a bicycle – it had been years since I’d attended a mass service, but I couldn’t forget how things went or what was going on in the celebration.

Being a Catholic too, it is much more than a Sunday event, it is a way of life, a whole upbringing. Many people would know certain things of these, such as the whole “Catholic guilt and shame” that many people feel, something that I find unique to Catholicism, something that isn’t as dominant in other denominations.

Being a Catholic, to me, is much more than belonging to a certain sect of Christianity – it is a way of life, a culture, a heritage. And to have parents who bought me up with all these practices, I am extremely thankful to God for.

InSOmN1A

When I was younger, in my teenage years, I had a few acquaintances who were insomniacs, or at least that’s what they told me. Back then I used to think it would be a pretty handy thing to have – you would have less time wasted in bed and thus get more things done. Some of the people I thought “Yeah, well that’s probably coz you take speed all the time”.

Years later in my mid-twenties and I am a full-blown insomniac, have been for a good three or four years now, and it’s not fun at all. It is seriously very incapacitating. I spend hours in bed “trying” to get to sleep, most the time with no success. I don’t spend hours at once, but all up, until I just get that sick of it I don’t even try, instead go and make myself a coffee as I know it just isn’t gonna happen that night.

Even my thoughts on “speed” has changed. You can’t sleep but you’re too tired to stay awake. Too tired to read, clean – hell, even to watch T.V, and that involves very little effort indeed. So why use the speed then? Well, at least it will wake you up even more, make you more alert and you can actually do something worthwhile… even if that is to just sit there watching the T.V, but at least you are into it, not just sitting there with the shits because you can’t sleep.

I’ve tried different medications for it – Temazepam and Valium – but they only work for a couple of weeks… then the body simply gets too used to it you just take it to feel normal, to get rid of the shakes from withdrawing off it. Doesn’t even add a bit of fun to your night. I was recommended a new drug on the market when it first came out, “Stillnox” but I never went on it, and lucky I didn’t as there have been many cases since where people sleep walk, wedge themselves in some uncomfortable position then wake up needing their legs amputated. Others have walked off balconys, where the less severe cases people just hallucinate, make an arse of themselves, annoy anyone in the house, then watch it back on video after their parents or housemates tape them, feeling incredibly stupid… and that’s if you’re lucky not to walk off the balcony, sleep walk to the bathroom between the toilet and the wall or out on the street playing chicken with cars.

Last week on “Today Tonight” they had yet another new drug out – I forget what it’s called – but it apparently mimics the chemical in your head that helps you sleep. Not addictive, you don’t get a tolerance – but that’s what they say now, so I’m not going to try it until it’s been on the market a few years.

How I wish for a decent nights sleep, be able to fall asleep withing twenty minutes, not waking up in the middle of the night or awaking in the morning with my fingers shrivelled up from sweating in my sleep so much from night-terrors.

If I didn’t get so addicted and tolerant to drugs such as Valium and Temazepam, things would be alright I guess. Now I basically just have to put up with it, or talk to my doctor about another option, perhaps something else is out there. Only know if you ask.

The thing that really irritates me though is that the people who make drugs these days are so obsessed with making them only do what they are meant to do, for instance, pain-killers that just kill pain – no sedating effects. It’s crap! Some of us have such a high threshold when it comes to the sedative effect anyways that most the things that are still on the shelves with some sedating properties just calms me down a bit, if anything, while many other people I know have it and it knocks them out cold or gives them a good buzz. I feel totally ripped off. It’s not fun. Fuck insomnia.

Home & Away

I was watching “Home & Away” last night and something quite odd struck me on the episode. Those residing outside of Australia, and perhaps the U.K, are perhaps not familiar with the show. It is a soap based on the lives of a range of people ranging from high-school age to their parents and various other local “celebs” such as the police officers, doctor, the old bag who does nothing but gossip and the old guy who has been there for the last twenty-something-years. It’s actually a good quality show, though many would beg to differ… unlike American soapies such as “Bold & The Beautiful” where the acting is made over-dramatic!

One of the long-time characters, Leah, is getting married to the local reverend who has only moved to the Bay (Summer Bay that is!) sometime this, or last, year. The preacher is a big, strong Maori guy, who was taken in as a child by two constantly bickering Chinese that have come to the Bay to visit him, meet his fiancé and finally spring this traditional Chinese thing on them, where if they have ANY omens in those three days that some Chinese-written-paper (sitting on the fridge) is there, then the wedding must be called off.

Leah is a typical Australian-Greek, obviously bought up a Christian, most likely Catholic or Greek Orthodox, and the reverend was obviously bought up with quite a bit of Chinese culture until he decided to enter the ministry. He wears a cassock so obviously belongs to a fairly normal denomination – perhaps Anglican – definetally not Catholic though, for obvious reasons – he is engaged!

So the Chinese mother was getting a tooth ache, which so it turned out was pretty critical. Leah was saying to her fiancé “How is that an omen to us? Why would the wedding need to be called off? You just need to be a man and tell her that its your life” blahdy-blahdy-blah. He, however, took a bit of offence to it, but it seemed to be offence not because these are the beliefs of his mother, but as though they are also his own beliefs.

How can that be if he is a reverend? That would easily fit into the category of occult behaviour! A little hard to get rid of when your parents subscribe to that belief, however, you can be tolerant of others beliefs without believing them yourself!

The Bible says many things on the occult, witchcraft and all those types of practices. Things such as stoning them, burning them, breaking their statues, ruining their whole town, never to be rebuilt or inhabited by The Chosen People (Israelites).

Well I am a Christian. A Catholic. Obviously I believe in it, it isn’t just my culture and heritage, but something I do deeply believe in. However, as a Christian, we preach tolerance to others – “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. So I personally have no beef with other religions or the occult, so long as it isn’t harming other people.

I have had my fair share of a shady past with different religions and the occult, when I was growing, learning about myself, and before the life-changing-experience which made me believe in the One True God once again. Still, these things are a part of me, my character, so I was never about to fully renounce these practices. Perhaps the practices of truly believing in any of it, but as for the rest, the rituals and so forth, I really have no problem with. To me, it is more just theatricals. If someone were to ask me to join in on a séance for instance, I would most likely oblige as it would be a bit of fun, and as I don’t actually believe in it, I wouldn’t see this as betraying God. I simply see it more as a bit of harmless fun – theatrics if you life.

You would imagine a reverend would be much more conservative with these things, not involving themselves in any of these practices, however tolerance can be applied. You would not, however, imagine one who gets that uptight when one says how ridiculous it is! Perhaps say something like “It’s their belief, not mine, but I’ll let them do what they want, it can be a bit of fun.” When they try to push it on them, however, how can they just stand there and take it? Wouldn’t you think they would say “No. You can believe that if you so wish, but my religion doesn’t teach things like the sort, so go about doing it if it makes you happy and harms no one, but don’t push it onto me!”

Well, that’s what I thought as the scene in objection came on my television set last night. Sure, it is just a soap, but it now seems that they may not end up getting married all because of this ritual, even though HE is a reverend! If the writers didn’t want them to get married, you would think they could think of a better thing than that, couldn’t you? Play on his religiousity more perhaps? Not just kill him off, have him move or anything just as monotonous. Perhaps he is questioning what God has planned for him? That perhaps this isn’t God’s will? ANYTHING!!! Just something somewhat more believable would be preferably though.

New Missal: My thoughts...

There’s been much talk among many different Catholic circles in the English-speaking world about the upcoming, new, revised edition of the Catholic Missal, so I thought I would provide some of my thoughts on the topic.

Those of you who are not Catholic’s may not know what a missal is. Put simply, it is a book as thick, if not thicker, than the Bible, containing the readings for each mass to be held throughout each year. In the Catholic Church we work on a three-year-cycle for Sunday Mass and a two-year-cycle for the weekday Mass… so before you hear the same reading again, it will have been two or three years (depending whether it is a weekday or Sunday in question!) and thus it won’t get dry, and you will be at a different stage in your life allowing the Scripture to speak to you differently each time.

Because of the amount of readings that these would contain, generally the missal comes in two editions – a Sunday Missal and a Weekday Missal – though there are copies that have the two in one, just even thicker than the stand-alone. The missal contains the layout of the Mass, what is said by both the priest and the responses said by the faithful.

Now I have clarified that aspect, I will talk now about my own personal thoughts on the changes, due to come out sometime in 2011.

As many would know, the last major change to the Mass was at the Vatican II Council, which made many dramatic changes from the allowed layout of churches to the Mass being said in the vernacular rather than Latin. That was only in the 1960s, before that the Mass had been fairly much the same for many centuries.

Why then the change now, only some fifty to sixty years on? Seems a little rushed, does it not? Not really when you think about the ever-changing-world we now inhabit. The world has changed more in the last fifty-years than any other time in history with the advent of technology, now at a stage where once things are to be published, the news is basically obsolete with yet another new thing better due to replace it.

Not only man-made changes, either, but the world around us – the natural world. Did you know the last hundred years has seen more natural disasters than the entire two-millenia that preceded it? Earthquakes, tsunamis’s, volcanic eruptions. Some think these are all simply caused by man and the pollution we create, others see it as the beginning of the end of days.

Naturally, if the world we live in is constantly changing, then the Mass should change in order to keep up with what has largely become a secular, atheistic world. Many think that going to church makes one a Christian, not only that, but a good person. Nothing could be furthur from the truth! Many people who fill the pews each week while they may seem to be Christian’s with their responses, do they really mean it? What about in their lives during the rest of the week – do they live it, or even try to? Basically we have gone from a people ruled by religion where it was constantly on our minds, to a people who only have time for it on a Sunday – not only that but for just one hour.

There are also many who attend mass but they are so used to the responses, many of which are taught them at a young age, that it has become more of a habit of simply repitition, nothing more. I must admit that I have been guilty of this many times, even people I have talked to who are brothers, even priests, have also admitted it. Does that make a person bad? No, simply just makes a person human.

I have looked at several sections of the latest revision of the missal, and to me it all seems to be quite good. With Vatican II, I find that they went from a drastic change from the official church language of Latin to the vernacular, however they took many holy, moving words out of the liturgy. This new missal seems as though some of the holiness will make its way back into our liturgy.

One example I can remember from the top of my head is toward the beginning of the mass when the priest says “The Lord be with you” to which we respond “And also with you”. The latest missal we instead respond “And with your spirit” which really isn’t much difference, but it is a bit more holier than the one we have grown accustomed to.

This will not only help take people off their “auto-pilot” responses, but will perhaps help us live better as good Christian Catholic’s with the added “holiness”. If we say holy words more often, we will be opening our minds and souls more to the Holy Spirit.

There is of course no final edition of the new missal, and the things I have spoken of are only in the most recent revision. Things will change before the final is released, but it gives you a little taste at things to come.

In all, I see it as a good thing. Many may be annoyed at having to learn new responses, but so be it. It could in fact prove to be helpful with “Catholic’s Returning Home” an initiative to help re-educate those lapsed Catholic’s that wish to enter the fold of the Church once again. They will probably not feel as uncomfortable being there, having to learn the liturgy again, if those who have been there for a while must learn a new direction also.

Christianophobia

The Eupropean Court of Human Rights seeks to ban the display of the crucifix in Italian classrooms, believing that it infringes on the rights of pupils and their families to practice their own religion. This is totally wrong! In a country such as Italy where Christianity is at the core of their culture, and always has been, is a grosse infringement on cultural rights! You would never hear of the British Empire being asked to get rid of the Union Jack - it is made up of the St. George Cross and St. Andrew Cross. More to the point, it would be totally unheard of for a country such as Pakistan or Turkey to change something like their flag which clearly represents an Islamic prescence with the display of the Crescent Moon!

To do something like that would undoubtedly be "Islamophobic" yet to do the same thing with a majority-Catholic nation such as Italy, with their history stooped in Christianity, is seen as a thing of human rights!

Though Italian schools may be adorned with crucifixes, I don't see that the staff would enforce this credo, unless of course it is an independent school associated with a specific religion or denomination. It has purely become a symbol of their cultural heritage! I wouldn't mind bettering that because of the rich religious history the Italian nation has, many Italian's would simply view the crucifix as a symbol of their heritage if they do not conform to the Christian belief. Many schools are perhaps no doubt housed in old convents, even if they are government schools, as well as many other government institutions. Does that mean that they will then have to get rid of all the Christian symbolism contained in and on those buildings? The many crosses, crucifixes and inscriptions? No, because that would perhaps come down to a violation of heritage listing.

Why can't people just see the crucifix for what it is: A symbol of great power and great love, for everyone, not just for a specified group of people. Jesus came for the Jews but then also turned to the Gentiles - or the non-Jews. He was here for ALL of us! It is not an icon of hate, domination and power. People are still able to believe what they want without the persecution of any religion.

The Western World is becoming more and more secular, in many European nations, not only are the traditional "Christian" turning to secularism and atheism, there is also a big influx of people from other religions such as Muslims. Still, people wonder why many of us Christian's are against many Muslim things - if we can't have our Christian heritage in countries stooped in centuries of Christianity, why then should the people of other "alien" religions be able to have theirs? With the way that the world is going in Europe, Christianity will all be but gone within fifty-years as many desert The Church for secular atheism, whilst the immigration of Muslims will see Islam as a dominant religion.

When the flags of Europe have changed to incorporate the Crescent Moon, perhaps the law courts changed from that of a democracy to that of Shariah Law, will these people then regret their decision to start the ultimate downfall of Christianity through means of banning a simple symbol based purely on love?

Read the article here.

A Prayer For Those Who Live Alone

I live alone, dear Lord,
Stay by my side,
In all my daily needs
Be thou my guide.

Grant me good health,
For that indeed, I pray,
To carry on my work
From day to day.

Keep pure my mind,
My thoughts, my every deed,
Let me be kind, unselfish
In my neighbour's need.

Spare me from fire, from flood,
Malicious tongues,
From thieves, from fear,
And evil ones.

If sickness or an accident befall,
Then humbly, Lord, I pray,
Hear Thou my call.

And when I'm feeling low,
Or in despair,
Lift up my heart,
And help me in prayer.

I live alone, dear Lord,
Yet have no fear,
Because I feel Your Presence
Ever near. Amen.

George Pell an "ignorant Bishop"

Last night after trying to get to sleep, but without succeeding, I got up and looked through my DVD collection for something to put on. I found a DVD I received from the Islamic Information & Services Network of Australasia a few years back, entitled "Crusifixion: Fact or Fiction". Those with little or no education on Islam may not know, but Jesus is held in high regard in the religion, but He is not the Son of God, just a prophet, thus this DVD is apparently a debate on the topic of Jesus being crucified. I was, however, unable to watch it on my DVD player or my computer - I think there is something wrong with the disc when it was burnt as it has never worked on any of my computers or DVD players... but last night I just thought I would try it since I have never tried it in this laptop or the DVD player I currently have.

This lead me to go to their website, listed on the back cover of the DVD, to see if they had any other copies they could send. I found something much more interesting though!

It is in the downloads section, an audio speech by Abu Hamza, entitled "George Pell: An Ignorant Bishop". Naturally, this caught my eye. This man, Hamza, speaks of George Cardinal Pell being ignorant, how he accuses Islam of terrorism and so forth. Hamza speaks on how can someone in his (Pell's) position say something like that when we are meant to be peaceful together and so forth. Fair point. He then goes on to say things such as the Bible should be banned, talks of the "paedophiles of the Christians" which they have been doing for "hundreds and hundreds of years".

He speaks on "The Catholic Club" and how they are wrong and immoral, simply because - "they drink, and they get drunk, in a place of worship". Hmm... interesting. One, "The Catholic Club" is not a "place of worship" but a place for Catholic's to be around each other in a social setting. Second, in our religion, we don't believe in denying ourselves of every human pleasure imaginable, such as drinking. Getting drunk may be wrong, but drinking is not!

I could go on and on, but I will leave it to you to listen to if you so wish and want a chuckle. It is a little hard to hear/understand at times, that's the prehistoric audio-devices the Muslim obviously have!

Here is the link to the audio file.

Sunday Snippets: A Catholic Carnival #6

Sunday Snippets for the week of Sunday May 16 to Sunday June 13.

What is Sunday Snippets? Read this!

Yet again, I have been away from my posting - away from the entire technological-life, rather. A couple of weeks with no phone, no laptop, no internet... happens when you go to hospital! Read more about the events leading up to that, another entry which I talk on pain, suffering and Pope JP2.

Quite a lot of slothful behaviour lately, but finally I went to mass again. After my discharge from hospital, I wrote this entry talking on how others have bigger problems than us - not to downsize our own struggles, but it is a wakeup call none-the-less to see how others have it so much worse, yet are still here battling on with life!  

Whilst in hospital, I picked up my Bible after a few months of in-action, starting to do my daily-reading-plan once again, through the course of it, finding many beautiful and wonderful passages of healing power. 

I close this edition with "A Tribute to The Bible" from the website, "Would Jesus Go There".

Welcome back to Ordinary Time - a time that is more extra-Ordinary than it is Ordinary! I trust you all had a happy and prosperous Eastertide!!!

A Tribute To The Bible

The Bible is not an amulet, a charm, a fetish, or a book that will work wonders by its very presence.

It is a book that will work wonders in every life, here and hereafter, if acted upon and obeyed in faith and sincerity.

It is God’s inspired revelation of the origin and destiny of all things, written in the most simple human language possible so that the most unlearned can understand and obey its teachings.

It is self-interpreting and covers every subject of human knowledge and need now and forever.

As a literary composition, the Bible is the most remarkable book ever made. It is a divine library of 66 books, some of considerable size, and others no longer than a tract.

These books include various forms of literature – history, biography, poetry, proverbial sayings, hymns, letters, directions for elaborate ritualistic worship, laws, parables, riddles, allegories, prophecy, drama, and others. They embrace all manner of literary styles in human expression.

It is a book that reveals the mind of God, the state of man, the way of salvation, the doom of sinners, and the happiness of believers. Its doctrines are holy, its precepts binding, its histories true, and its decisions immutable.

Read it to be wise, believe it to be safe, and practice it to be holy.

The Bible contains light to direct you, food to support you, and comfort to cheer you. It is the traveller’s map, the pilgrim’s staff, the pilot’s compass, the soldier’s sword, and the Christian’s charter.

Here Heaven is opened, and the gates of hell disclosed. Christ is its grand subject, our good is its design, and the Glory of God its end.

It should fill your memory, rule your heart, and guide your feet in righteousness and true holiness.

Read it slowly, frequently, prayerfully, meditatively, searchingly, devotionally, and study it constantly, perseveringly, and industriously. Read it through and through until it becomes part of your being and generates faith that will move mountains.

The Bible is a mine of wealth, the source of health, and a world of pleasure.

It is given to you in this life, will be opened at the judgment, and will stand forever.

It involves highest responsibility, will reward the least to the greatest of labour, and will condemn all who trifle with its sacred contents.

Dake’s Annotated Reference Bible – Page 241 

From the website "Would Jesus Go There" www.wouldjesusgothere.com

Healing Passages

As this year I set myself the goal of reading the entire Bible in one year, I have been writing down certain passages as I read them. The kind that really speaks something to me, the interesting and the healing.

Here are some healing passages I found useful. Give them a try yourself!

Verses taken from the "New Jerusalem Bible".

Did you not know? Had you not heard? Yahweh is the everlasting God, He created the remotest parts of the earth. He does not grow tired or weary, His understanding is beyond fathoming.

He gives strength to the weary, He strengthens the powerless. Youths grow tired and weary, the young stumble and fall, but those who hope in Yahweh will regain their strength, they will sprout wings like eagles, though they run they will not grow weary, though they walk they will never tire.

✠ Isaiah 40:28-31

Bless Yahweh, my soul, from the depths of my being, His holy name.

✠ Psalms 103:1

Bless Yahweh, my soul, never forget all His acts of Kindness. He forgives all your offences, cures all your diseases.

✠ Psalms 103:2-3

You who live in the secret place of Elyon, spend your nights in the shelter of Shaddai, saying to Yahwek, 'My refuge, my fortress, my God in whom I trust!'

✠ Psalms 91:1-2

In God alone there is rest for my soul, from Him comes my safety;

He alone is my rock, my safety, my stronghold so I stand unshaken,

✠ Psalms 62:1-2

Ordinary people are a mere puff of wind, important people a delusion;

Set both on the scales together, and they are lighter than a puff of wind.

✠ Psalms 62:9

Let us uxult, too, in our hardships, understanding that hardship develops perseverance, and perseverance develops a tested character, something that gives us hope.

✠ Romans 5:3-4

When we were still helpless, at the appointed time, Christ died for the godless.

✠ Romans 5:6

So it is proof of God's own love for us, that Christ died for us while we were still sinners. How much more can we be sure, therefore, that, now that we have been justified by His death, we shall be saved through Him from the retribution of God.

✠ Romans 5:8-9

For if, while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, how much more can we be sure that, being now reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.

✠ Romans 5:10

If one part is hurt, all the parts share its pain. And if one part is honoured, all the parts share its joy. Now Christ's body is yourselves, each of you with a part to play in the whole.

✠ 1 Corinthians 12:26-27

Always someone who has it worse

So I spent the last two-weeks in the nut-house. I had a bit of a breakdown, was taken by ambulance to the hospital then admitted to the acute-psych-ward the next day. Only got out yesterday. The psychiatrists and doctors upped my anti-depressant doses whilst I was there and I improved a fair bit. Still not 100%, but much better than I was before. Besides, it will take at least a month for the meds to take full effect.

Still, while I was there, I met so many other people who have it worse than me. Sure, I have severe depression, PTSD (post-traumatic-stress-disorder) and a busted-back, but at least my mental illnesses aren't totally incapacitating. I can still do most normal things, unless I'm having one of my days, which prior to my admission were basically every day. There were people in there who were totally head-screwed - paranoid schizophrenics who would crack it everytime you laughed, thinking it was directed at them, others with depression where medication wouldn't work and who had to go for ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy - or "shock therapy") three times a week... even one guy in there who thought he was God! People in drug-induced-bouts of psychosis and more.

Every day I thought "Thank God I'm not that bad..." but there was also the part of me who thought "Wow. That could be me one day." The guy who thought he was God had hit the drugs pretty hard in his life, which may or may not have been the cause of his delusions. Still, it has made me look at my "lifestyle" in a new light... I really need to give up the drugs. I know why I take them - that is to feel good about myself. But why can't I feel good about myself without them? Well, I now know the answer to that question, and I am now going to finally start addressing the root cause of these problems. Like I said: there's always someone who has it worse!