My 'coming-out' story

So it's late at night. Can't sleep. Been a while since I've blogged. So get ready for one of my little all-over-the-place somewhat mini-rant and 'coming out' story. For those expecting a juicy, steamy, sexy adult post, you've got another thing coming! I'm coming-out of the closet with a range of thoughts, reflections and more importantly: as a creature of God, with a very Catholic view on the realm of sexuality, and the world in general. Enjoy my rant, feel free to comment!

Like any good practicing Catholic, I read the Bible every day. I reflect on it, I study and pray it too. Over the last few years I have been working my way through a guide so you can read the entire Bible and Catechism over the period of one-year, ticking the days off as you go. I am yet to actually fully complete one of these booklets, which I printed it from the internet, twice! Whether I actually complete the booklet, ticking off each day – or whether I start again if I have been inactive for a long period of time – isn't the point of the exercise. Rather starting one's healthy relationship with scripture is! Perhaps I'll print it a third time and start again in 2016, only this time I'll read the Catechism column as well. Previously I have only read the Bible column of the guide.

At the moment I am reading through 1Kings, also known as 1Samuel. As we Catholics aren't all that into memorising scripture, for those not well acquainted with scripture 1Kings is about King Saul, David and Goliath leading to the anointing and Kingship of David. The last time I remember reading these chapters I was referred to them by a pro-gay-Bible article I read only a couple of years ago. My thoughts have changed significantly since then as I was pro-gay-marriage more-so out of lack of education on the matter, not because I wanted to get 'married' myself.

So, as I was reading last time I was actually reading my personal thoughts into the Bible. The relationship that David had with King Saul's son, Jonathan, was symbolic of a gay relationship, what with them kissing and all. This is from reading a very Catholic Bible, the Douay-Rheims! It doesn't have to be a corrupted translation of scripture. At the end of the day there are really only two types of Bible readers: a) Those who read for the TRUTH allowing SCRIPTURE to CHANGE them; b) Those who read SCRIPTURE with their hearts closed to the TRUTH, finding any possible way of CONDONING their SIN regardless of how stupid and irrational it sounds to anyone else.

Besides, the whole idea of sexual preference and defining it is only a fairly new ideal of modernism. Before the latter part of the last millennium no one anywhere actively defined themselves based on who they find sexually attractive. Many people who did have same-sex relations were fooling around, or depending on the culture it was a thing of power, domination, at times even for pagan religious worship. This all led me to reflect on my life and experiences. Certain things were filling my head from the past and the present as I lay in bed trying to sleep.


Mind racing, I decided to get up for a while figuring I wouldn't be getting to sleep any time soon, the hot night not helping much either. Back when I was in high school I remember people mentally placing people into groups. The jocks, the popular girls etc; and one of the new though un-popular fashions was to be 'label-free' which most people hated because we had the high school opinion that we must define, re-define, over-define pretty much everything in life.

Aware of having an attraction to the same-sex I would define myself as bisexual, then as gay, back to straight again followed by gay. Back in the turn of the century growing up I was picked on for this choice for the rest of my days at that school. Why didn't I just go by 'label-free' if I was having trouble choosing my sexual identity, as if it ever matters, especially at the age of thirteen! Like I said, it wasn't cool to be 'label-free' because then you are just wanting more attention. Rather stupid way of thinking, because now I would much rather use that term than gay, bisexual or straight. For someone to call themselves 'label-free' would be much smarter and not looking for or wanting attention.

In hind-sight I wish I made much better decisions in my early life, one of those being not to define myself by my sexual thoughts because it just doesn't matter! Sometimes I believe if I had kept it to myself I probably wouldn't have ever ended up going through the gay world. It could have been that decision to tell someone who blurted it out, making me hated by my peers for the rest of my time at the school. As a result I looked for friends outside of school, my hormones running wild and never really having any close male friends through my earlier years. Thus the gay community became a home of sorts at a very young age. Now it is a culture I can see through, one I have known about, one I have no interest in anymore.

Why would I want to support the lies of the gay community? Everyone looks so happy, so gay in the original meaning of the word, why not hijack the word to define their disordered affections? Not happy with that they even make a mockery of the rainbow. Truth of the matter is it is just a facade all the carefree happiness they exude. On the inside, they're crying. They're miserable. Depressed. Whether it's from a combination of drug and alcohol abuse or just their deep need for real love not objectification, the gay community really has nothing to offer anyone. Not that I am saying those in the community are worthless, but they are duped; by the media, secular education and their disordered way of life.

Many are seemingly ignorant, useful cogs in an agenda they don't know actually exists. There is much truth in the popular saying: 'ignorance is bliss!' I on the other hand would prefer the truth, even if it is hard to accept and apply to ones life, because as an ever better saying goes: 'the truth will set you free!' John 8:32.